Mercy

“His death was merciful.”

That’s how my cousin David, a religious leader, characterized Dad’s death.

Merciful. I felt almost startled by the old-fashioned word, yet soothed by it at the same time. But I resisted his characterization. My instinctive reaction was, “Dad had so much more life in him.”

Mercy, I thought, describes a quick death for someone in great pain from terminal cancer, for example, not a death such as Dad’s.

Forever Dad

I thought he would last forever. Maybe not forever, but a long, long time. A number of years more.

He had been with me all my life. I’m the age of the Mid-Century Modern styles trending now, so that’s a lot of years.

At Christmastime I picked out new shoes to give to Dad: Velcro hush puppies with a beautiful shine. They looked like a million dollars, like the kind of shoes you would wear to a posh club, a fancy wedding or a high-roller Vegas gaming table. Dad had been having trouble reaching his feet to tie shoelaces, so he was happy the new shoes slipped on and closed so easily.

The shoes were so perfect, that after Christmas I ordered another pair so he’d have one when these wore out. They arrived just after Dad got sick.

Dad 1923 – 2016

There are no words right now.

Take Care, Caretaker

Yesterday I read an entry in My Dementia Experience, a blog by a woman with children who is also caring full-time for her MIL with Alzheimers. She had had a particularly grinding day and was at the end of her rope.

I wanted to say to her, “You just cannot do this and stay sane. Something has to change.” But I didn’t leave a comment because I don’t know her situation.

What I did do, apparently, is put my subconscious to work on the part of her dilemma that I share.

Retirement v. Elder Care

Notes from retirement in the Southwest

Husband retired a year ago. He and I were looking forward to spending winters in this Southwest active retirement community where sky conditions are good for his astronomy and sunshine is good for my soul.

Retirement, like everything else in life, not always what you imagine it will be.

Project Elder Care is heating up.

Although many people in this active community have elderly parents back home, they aren’t on point for elder care. The ones who spend months at a time here have sisters or brothers or adult children back home who shoulder the main burden of elder care. Or they tag team with other siblings to provide care.

The Power of (lowered) Expectations

How I coped with the Seahawks first-half debacle in the playoffs

The day before my Seattle Seahawks played the Carolina Panthers in the NFC playoffs, I was avidly watching the end of a different game. Because whoever won that game would be the team my Seahawks would play next, assuming we won our game.

Carolina is one of football’s hottest teams this year. Las Vegas oddsmakers favored them. We were playing on their home turf. They beat us in the regular season.

Yet we Seahawks fans are nothing if not believers. We have watched too many miraculous comebacks and crazy endings to not have faith. So whoever we played after we beat Carolina was of great interest to me.

My 2016 Theme

As documented in these blog posts, 2015 revealed some rough edges to mi vida. When the year was drawing to a close, I thought about challenges, triumphs, strengths and weaknesses, and what needed to change.

Following the lead of a favorite podcast, Satellite Sisters, I crafted my ideas not into typical resolutions, but as a theme for the year ahead:

Praying for serenity, anchored by faith.

Much thought went into these words. I like that the theme expresses what I strive to do and be this year. The words remind me what is important and how to view the world. They tell me what to do when I am mired in worry in my role as caregiver to my elderly father.

I wake up and go to sleep with the theme. I connect with it during the day. It helped sustain me as I launched into Project Elder Care: Remote Edition when Dad fell ill on my first day of an out-of-town vacation.

It reminds me of action I need to take, truths I know, and the bedrock of my existence.

Praying for serenity, anchored by faith.

White Cane Swap, Take 2

An update to my December 28 post.

The white cane swap was a bust. Dad didn’t want to give up his long mobility cane, even though he leans on it like a staff rather than sweeping it in front of him to help find his way.

Karen, the mobility trainer, was terrific. She related perfectly to Dad, a former social worker himself. Turns out they knew a bunch of the same people in the field. But nonetheless, he would not take her recommendation to begin using a white stability cane that is shorter and sturdier and meant to bear weight safely.

By Remote Control

I’m running Project Elder Care from afar for a couple of weeks.

Husband and I left town Saturday, flying Alaska Air to the Southwest for a dose of sun. I didn’t even get out of our destination airport before being thrust back into elder care. Waiting in baggage claim, I received a text from one of Dad’s caregivers, a young man.

Mission Impossible!

I’m a project manager. My biggest job: Project Elder Care.

A New Year’s realization is I don’t feel much success right now in my projects. With elder care, a quick glance at these blog posts reveals that I have both a challenging elder and a facility that doesn’t support his needs well. I can plan the heck out of something, but that doesn’t mean it will happen or succeed.